


Dear Future Me...

by Gio_hannigram



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst, Angst and Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Kids, M/M, Minor Character Death, More tags to be added, Smut, Time Travel, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:27:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gio_hannigram/pseuds/Gio_hannigram
Summary: Kuro and Mahiru get a look of a future that may or may not happen.





	1. What Does The Future Hold?

He was falling. Kuro felt and heard the strong wind around him as he tried to recall what exactly had happened and how to stop.

It was in that moment that he barely was able to look at Mahiru, who had his eyes closed, falling a few feet away from him.

How was it possible that Mahiru didn’t feel it and had yet to wake up?

Panic rushed through him, they probably were going to smash against the ground if he didn’t do anything.

Kuro reached out for Mahiru and as his fingers brushed against Mahiru's, they hit the ground.

Mahiru woke up with a groan beside him; feeling the fluffy cushions they landed on and for a moment unaware of Mahiru's voice, Kuro was speechless, too astoned about the fact that they were _not_ dead.

“Where are we?” Mahiru asked as he rubbed a spot in the right side of his head, blinking a few times.

“I don’t know, when I woke up we were falling,” Kuro frowned, because before that he remembered only blackness. “I was so deeply asleep.” he finished in his natural sleepy and displeased tone which served to stop the panic reflected in Mahiru’s eyes and switch them to his usual annoyed ones.

If Kuro was honest, which he often avoided,  he was trying to push down the panic surging through him. He couldn’t recall where they last were, with who or how they had ended falling in the comfy cushions and blankets they were at the moment. Looking around, and up he confirmed that indeed, they didn’t fall through the ceiling, which only put him more on edge. Of course they couldn’t have just came down through the ceiling like normal people, no, who knew how they were falling to certain death just a moment before but now they were in _who the hell knows where._

“What happened? where are we?” Mahiru  repeated, stood up and walked around. Kuro flopped down on the cushions, burying himself with the blankets nearby, he knew that tone in Mahiru’s voice, the “I’m about to be an energetic pain in your ass.” voice and not of the kind that Kuro would like.

“Kuro! you can’t do that in a place and with things that aren’t yours!” Mahiru yelled taking the blanket away from him before he could roll to his burrito form.

“What a pain.” Kuro complained raising up and taking into their surroundings.

It was a nice looking flat, big enough to be twice the size of Mahiru’s, with red and sand colours around, the red cushions they were moments ago were spread in the middle of the living room mixed with white and red blankets, in front of a large tv and behind it, big floor-to-ceiling windows showed them a near sunset sky.

All Kuro could think of the place was about how homey and warm it felt.

Mahiru walked to his right through a small dinner area and straight at the end where an ample kitchen was.

“This place is nice.” Mahiru said spinning in place, delighting in the red-orange with a tiny mix of yellow glow that rained through from the windows.

Kuro did bask in the sight for a few seconds before shaking himself and closed the curtains next to him.

“This is not our place.” Kuro confirmed.

“There’s just one thing I remember, you were talking with Tsubaki, then we were here.” Mahiru said walking towards him.

“Tsubaki?” Kuro sighed, “Of course.” he muttered falling in a couch and closing his eyes.

“Do you think this is his place?” Mahiru frowned.

Kuro was about to answer when the front door made noise as someone turned in their key.

Looking at each other for a brief moment they both hid behind a couch that was next to a wall.

As they listened, apparently it was just one person who walked in and put something on the table. Kuro was expecting Tsubaki’s crazy laugh to break out at any second when voices of kids came through the door into the flat. Mahiru looked at him confused, probably had been expecting Tsubaki as well, and since for what they knew Tsubaki didn’t take in any children as subclasses, Lily was who crossed their mind.

 _“Misono.”_ Mahiru whispered and was about to stand up and call for his friend when a very familiar yawn stopped him.

Mahiru’s eyes widened in surprise and confusion, Kuro was about to take Mahiru’s hand to prevent him from standing up when his own voice echoed through the room and made them both freeze.

“Chibis, don’t start.” Kuro’s fatigued voice called to the kids who were arguing in the kitchen.

Carefully, Mahiru looked from one of the sides of the couch, from his place Kuro saw his jaw drop open and his body shake to then whisper Kuro’s name in what seemed as awe.

Kuro crawled next to Mahiru to see for himself and his breath cut.

There, in front of them stood another version of Kuro with a boy and a girl, helping them to save things in the fridge.

It was definitely another version of him, Kuro thought, the one in front of them lacked his usual furry jacket, white jeans and boots dressed in an actual suit that made Kuro cringe.

They were dreaming, that was the only explanation for that, a nightmare.

Kuro flopped down again behind Mahiru and closed his eyes tightly.

“What is going on?” Mahiru whispered flopping down beside Kuro and staring at him in shock. “You’re wearing a suit!” Mahiru whispered in frustration.

“Kuro!” Mahiru yelled and Kuro covered his mouth only to realize that his Mahiru, the one he was holding was not the one yelling his name.

“Kitchen.” His other self yelled back at a new version of Mahiru who had just arrived.

“Ah, great, thank you for going to pick them up and doing the shopping, there was an accident on the train.”

Hearing that Kuro opened his eyes to see Mahiru’s incredulous face next to him. “Yeah, we’re definitely dreaming.”

Or knowing Tsubaki, Mahiru wasn’t even there and he was just messing up with Kuro’s mind and feelings.

Mahiru, kids and a warm home?

Without a doubt it was a dream, one that Kuro had buried deep down in his heart.

Knowing his luck, this was going to become a nightmare soon enough.

Leaving Mahiru to think about what to do, Kuro risked a look towards the kitchen and saw his other self be hugged by an older version of Mahiru which made his heart ache painfully. 

 

_What did you do?_


	2. Is this a Dream?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahiru wants that future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, some fluff.

Mahiru bit his lower lip to keep himself from laughing out loud. 

He could barely contain the feelings running through him, specially his excitement. 

They still didn’t know where or how they were there, if the people they were seeing were really them but he couldn’t help the happiness invading him at the thought that maybe, just maybe, this was proof that he could have all he wanted.

A warm home filled with people he loved, with Kuro.

He knows it probably is an illusion by Tsubaki, he acknowledged it deep in the back of his mind, and he knows that in case of it being true then Tsubaki would turn this into a nightmare soon enough, but the little hopeful part of him saying  _ it could be _ was high through him at the moment.

Mahiru closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he opened them to look for Kuro only to get the scare of a lifetime when he was not next to him.

Slowly Mahiru stood up, listening to all the calm voices in the living room which thinking simply, if they saw Kuro, they would be yelling or in some kind of shock by now.

Once up, Kuro greeted him from across the room, as Mahiru guessed, they couldn’t see them.

The other Kuro was lying down with the kids in the blankets and cushions, the other Mahiru was drinking something in the couch listening to the little boy speak about what Mahiru could only guess had been his day while the girl played video games mirroring Kuro.

“Is that an onesie?” Mahiru asked Kuro while looking at the one in the cushions.

“An onesie that looks like a suit, genius.”  Kuro answered, Mahiru saw the shine in his eyes and groaned.

“The world is feeding your laziness.”

“The world understands how to bribe me out.” Kuro said getting closer to his counterpart.

Mahiru did the same with his, noticing the aging, he looked bigger, taller, Mahiru smiled at the thought that he would not stay at the height he was at the moment, thank god. The other one was probably in his twenties. He was using casual clothes not too different to Mahiru’s usual ones and his hair style reminded if only by a couple inches longer.

Mahiru was in the couch in front of his other self watching him enthusiastically speak with the boy when the other looked at where the servamps were and Mahiru’s breath got trapped in his throat. It had to be an effect of the light, right? Blinking a few times Mahiru looked again, and saw brown eyes staring at Kuro again.

_ It might had been an effect of the lights. _ He thought following the other’s gaze towards the servamps. 

Kuro hadn’t changed much, other than the outfit he was wearing he was pretty much the exact twin to the one who came with Mahiru, who was trying to get a look at the game the other was playing. It made sense, at least physically, Kuro as a vampire never aged so even if his counterpart was in his twenties Kuro still looked the same.

The thought made his insides twist, it was a sad, frustrating thought that he mostly tried to kept locked. Kuro’s immortality was as much a blessing as it was a curse, and to remember that Kuro had to wander through the world on his own, that one day Mahiru could be just one more of the people that left him behind...

“Mahi, come here.” The other Kuro said, thankfully breaking his thoughts before they went to a darker place. The Mahiru in front of him stood, walked and settled down in the cushions between Kuro and the boy.

“Just for a few minutes, okay? We need to make dinner.”

“Can we have noodles?” The little girl commented and Mahiru heard both Kuros chuckle, sadly by the time he looked at his Kuro had his normal uncaring face. “I want some of kitten-san´s.” the boy supported.

“No, we are making something healthy! You are growing up and don’t need something like noodles in your system.” Mahiru clarified and the kids nodded resigned, “This is all from your side you know.” The other Mahiru complained laying his head on Kuro’s shoulder as said Kuro high-fived the kids with his other arm.

“I’ll help you cook dinner as apology, though I have already gone out in daylight for the chibis and made the shopping, this is pet abuse.” Kuro whined mockingly, sighing dramatically, letting go of his game to lightly bump his forehead against the other Mahiru’s and actually smiled to him making the other laugh. 

Mahiru stayed still at the sight, he had yet to see that kind of smile on his Kuro’s face, and the thought that he could be part of that, that maybe he had helped Kuro to get to that state, to be that comfortable and carefree made his chest feel warm and full.

Looking, well better said, after staring for a long time, Mahiru picked up on the little differences, Kuro the one that he knew, always seemed a bit tensed, even when he slept, and his face was always in his trademark disinterested or poker face, the one besides his was relaxed and had the tips of his lips up, not quite a smile but the closest Mahiru has ever seen him to being just...content.

Sighing, Mahiru closed his eyes. 

Yes, he wanted this. Even if it was an illusion, it could help to give Kuro an idea that this could be in real life, that it was not as impossible as he probably thought. Because yes, he had noticed, even if he had yet to say or do something, he knew that making Kuro _ accept _ that he deserved happiness was not as simple as he would like but they could have a family, this could truly be them. And so feelings of both hope and yearning rose within him.

 

_ How did you get there? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this or if there's any mistakes so I can correct them.


	3. I Wouldn't Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuro walk in on something he shouldn't have and gets one of the worst surprises of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those reading, I truly appreciate it.

_I can't take this._

 

Kuro stared in a daze as his counterpart cooked with Mahiru's while the kids played in the living room.

Everything seemed so good, so perfect, so _unrealistic_.

Kuro had always been accused of being pessimist by Mahiru, this was the kind of circumstances that caused that, and there were so many in his past that it should be unrespectful to ask him to be otherwise.

What were the chances for this to actually happen?

None.

It was extremely heartbreaking to think how impossible a thing to reach this was.

Not only because he could never adopt a kid since he was forever trapped in his teen body, or how ridiculous the idea that Mahiru would want this with _him_ was. Let alone he allowing himself to have this after all he had done and all that could happen.

This was too much, Mahiru and he cooking, being friends, protecting one another, that he could get behind but seeing the look in their faces in those microseconds when their eyes meet, the way they moved and spoke to one another, the aura they gave away…

It was downright cruel and he had to take deep breaths, tightening the grip on his hoodie to not give into the urge to scream his frustration away.

Mahiru, his Eve, was too amazed to pay attention to his reaction and for that Kuro was thankful.

Not that Mahiru would notice, he had way too much practice on pretending to be fine, specially in front of Mahiru.

It was definitely Tsubaki's work, and he could see why Tsubaki wanted him to see this, it was a smart move to be honest.

Show in a silver plate what he dreamt of and didn't dare to do more for, then leave reality and it's impossibility to sink down on him.

 

Melancholy. Kuro chuckled bitterly, that was how he felt each time he accidentally tripped on a thought about his and Mahiru's future.

Sometimes, in the rare moments he felt the slightest optimistic, Kuro thought he could get away with staying through Mahiru's life, make sure he had a good life, perhaps make a deal with his kids. With someone who wouldn't mind keeping his name, someone who wouldn't let him forget. Sometimes when he was having a truly awful day this thought would turn into an invitation for the little voice in his head to hit him where it hurt the most, reminding him that if he stayed he would see Mahiru fall in love, get married, form a family where Kuro would only be their pet at best or an imposed intruder at worse. Worse than that he would have to see Mahiru grow old until he inevitably was left to wander through the world alone or with a poor substitute to repeat it all over again.

This was something that Kuro wanted even before he met Mahiru, he wanted a place that he could not only call home, but that felt as such.

Of course he never showed or cared to try. He had seen how it ends. Wrath was happy for the life she had with her partner but Kuro knew how long and how much it hurt her to move on. He knew what losing Ophelia did to Lawless, what he became.

The idea, the resignation that from the moment they met a clock started to tick over their heads, that Mahiru's life could slip through his fingers in the blink of an eye always made him nauseous.

This was why he avoided Eves, or anyone to be honest.

All these feelings, all these worries, they were so many and so heavy he could die. And how much he wishes they did, kill him, but not even the greatest of sadness could kill a Servamp.

Or perhaps it could, maybe that's why Tsubaki went for this of all things.

Choke him with melancholy charged feelings.

It could work, he knew what it was to feel so much that his throat ached in the effort of not giving in the urge of crying.

As if called for an example Mahiru turned towards him so Kuro swallowed all his feelings down and looked at him as if he couldn't be less interested or perturbed about what was going on.

“Why would he wants us to see this?” Mahiru asked and Kuro assumed he was talking about Tsubaki.

“I wonder why.” Kuro replied.

Before Mahiru could instigate more, Kuro dashed towards the kids and pretended to be extremely interested in what they were playing.

A few minutes later, once he summoned enough courage, Kuro looked up to see Mahiru looking out of one of the large windows, lost in his thoughts or maybe just admiring the city. Either way Kuro couldn't help to stare, it was not a joke, Mahiru **_was_ ** like the sun, beautiful, shining even with the worst of storms in front of him, powerful and always in motion. And just like the sun, he was impossible for Kuro to be with.

Things got worse as midnight approached.

Mahiru had tried to plan a way out of the illusion, they had walked outside, well, Mahiru did the walking, he was too emotionally exhausted to move other than jumping at his shoulder. They found nothing to help themselves with and they realised they could touch and feel everything, the people around them couldn't and the fleeting sensations that maybe it was not an illusion started to multiply.

The flat seemed to be close to where they lived in real life, only in a nicer suburbs zone. In the middle of the night they couldn't see many changes, there were different street lights and advertisements in forms they had never seen but in case they were truly in the future there was a large case of flying cars absence.

Which only made Kuro question how old the other Mahiru was.

 _Or perhaps Tsubaki lacked imagination_. Kuro's mind supplied helpfully taking him away for the hope that it was really the future.

With nothing left to do they went back to the flat, it took them a while to find it but eventually they did.

All the lights were out so Mahiru who was barely standing fell on the living room’s cushions and with a whispered “Goodnight Kuro.” he was out.

Kuro on his part had been overwhelmed with mixed emotions and the focus in keeping his poker face while Mahiru walked with bright eyes filled with curiosity and hope, so now he felt reckless.

Kuro had avoided speaking about the obvious changes in their relationship, dodging suggestive questions and remarks from Mahiru as if he wasn't dying to know as well.

A loud thud, cut his thoughts and he hurried after it thinking that they could be under attack but once he arrived to the room it had came from blood rushed to his cheeks at the scene he walked in.

As he stepped inside, Kuro absently registred the blue tones in the bedroom in contrast to the red-sand tones of the rest of the house, the dark-blue curtains were closed and as he got deeper in the room sheets with lighter blue and white tones came into view leading him to a  king size bed and Kuro stood still as Mahiru’s soft moans filled his ears.

Mahiru was laid beneath the other Kuro whose face was hidden in Mahiru’s neck, his hands were caressing Kuro’s back slowly traveling up to brush against blue hair, a small smile curved his lips. A moment later Kuro rose up with his arms in each side of Mahiru’s head staring down at him with something Kuro could only describe as a mix of wonderment and incredulity, in turn Mahiru’s left hand kept it’s way slowly over to Kuro’s neck until it reached his cheek and caressed him fondly, the other slid into his hair, then flashed him a smile that made the Kuro watching drawn his breath sharply and his body shiver.

How could his counterpart take it? It wasn’t even directed at him and Kuro felt weak in the knees.

Apparently he couldn’t, because as Kuro gave a few steps closer to the bed he could heard his counterpart pant as he gazed at Mahiru with amazement and adoration.

Gently Mahiru guided him down and met him halfway in a tender kiss.

Kuro couldn’t move, frozen in place admiring the scene before him.

None of his restrains seemed to exist anymore for his counterpart and it wasn’t like Mahiru held many. It was captivating how they pretty much melted once they connected with each other.

As minutes and smooth touches that spoke of how much they already knew each other bodies passed by, Kuro felt the anguish of longing to be the other worshipping Mahiru. He wanted that chance of cherish him.

But all he could do was watch as the scene unfolded before him, he was aroused, yes, but the feeling was overcome by the yearning panging him.

They didn’t speak, it was not necessary, even as their touches became frantic and needy, as the air became heavily changed, as their breath sounded more agitated, the only thing that remained was the tenderness they radiated.

A bolt ran through his skin when a soft moan in the form of his name left Mahiru’s lips making him aware that he should have left the room long ago. But just as he turned to do so a few words made his whole being be torn to pieces.

 

 _I love you._ A hard invisible blow that covered his chest and stomach making him gasp for air and close his eyes tight hit him.

 

 _Get me out, get me out, please let me out of here._ His mind ran over and over again for a few seconds in which he begged to whatever or whoever had put him there to please just make the ache in his heart stop.

 

Kuro tried to regain his composure. to control his breathing, and stop shaking as he slowly turned back.

As their breaths calmed down Kuro’s went mad as his eyes focused in the chains glowing over the couple’s bed, only to see them connect at each others wrists.

 

_What?_

 

The second he looked at Mahiru’s face everything stopped.

 

_How dare you?_

 

His counterpart was biting Mahiru’s neck letting him see Mahiru’s face clearly and Kuro couldn’t find words enough to describe what he felt when he found red eyes instead of his beloved brown ones staring through him.

 

_What have you done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a whole smut scene planned out but this was what came out instead, I guess I'll keep the other for Mahiru.
> 
> As always kudos, and comments are welcome!


	4. Is This A Nightmare?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahiru has a sickening realization.

_ Who was I kidding? _

 

Kuro was pissed.

Furious was probably the best way to describe him. Mahiru didn’t know what had happened between him falling asleep and waking up but Mahiru woke up to Kuro’s darkness showing off, he tried to suppress it but didn’t quite work since the rage running through him was plain obvious. Kuro was almost shaking with it, from the way he was standing, the murderous look in his eyes to the harsh breathing.

He didn’t answer when Mahiru tried to question him about it. Mahiru had lost some of his fear to Kuro’s dark aura but it still made him shiver whenever he felt it so after a few minutes he decided to give Kuro some time alone, trusting that once Kuro cold off he would tell him.

It didn’t happen.

Hours went by and Kuro seemed to only get more angry, Mahiru did notice the source even if he didn’t understand why. 

It was not that hard since each time the other version of Kuro appeared or spoke, Kuro seemed to lose control of his contained anger, his dark shadow grew and the atmosphere became heavy.

Mahiru was glad that looks couldn’t kill or Kuro would had not only killed his own counterpart but Mahiru’s as well. 

It was at that point when Mahiru realized that Kuro’s anger was directed to  _ both _ of their future selves that something inside him twisted. Was he angry at them being together?

It looked like the answer was yes.

Kuro practically hissed each time he saw them do anything together, for a brief moment Mahiru panicked that Kuro would try to murder his counterpart when that Kuro hugged the other Mahiru.

Mahiru knew that this future was probably not what he expected but he didn’t react that badly the day before which had made Mahiru’s hopes high. In fact Kuro had reacted well the day before, Mahiru had noticed the light in his eyes, even if Kuro didn’t exactly bounce with happiness at the sight of himself and Mahiru’s counterpart loving touches, he had not showed the disgust he was showing today.

The confusion and the continued silence from Kuro hurt him.

Maybe he had been wrong all along, maybe this truly was a nightmare for him.

Mahiru had been so thrilled that he had completely forgotten that this was probably Tsubaki’s doing _ against  _ Kuro which meant this was something Kuro _ didn’t  _ want at all.

The feeling of that reality sinking made him sick and he stared at Kuro for a long while trying to calm himself, thinking simply if this was Kuro’s nightmare, at least he knew now better than to say something about his feelings to Kuro.

Once that door was open so many negative conclusions formed on Mahiru’s mind.

He started to look at the so called illusion in front of them entirely different.

If this was to make Kuro see something he hated perhaps Mahiru was there to see his own hopes be crushed. It made sense, a fine job honestly. He had to give it to Tsubaki, killing two birds with one shot.

As the day went by he felt like all his energy had been sucked out, his enthusiasm dying, his stomach hurt, his chest ached and he had to blink away tears, It had been the most painful rejection of a lifetime, seeing what he wanted and what could be to then realize that the other person was disgusted by it. Even if he accepted it, that didn’t meant it didn’t hurt. Specially when he turned to look at his Servamp and saw burning fury filling those red eyes that kept avoiding him as if he was the plague.

Through the day he tried to reach out for Kuro only to have him move as far away from him as he could and pretending not to listen. However Mahiru noticed the way Kuro looked at Mahiru’s counterpart while he played with the kids while the other Kuro slept and it made him confused again. There it was, that fond look that he had seen on Kuro’s face the day before.

Mahiru stared for a while and saw not only the glint in Kuro’s eyes as the day before but the raise of the tips of his lips and it made his insides twist anew. 

Was something else going on?

Was he only angry at himself?

Was this because he didn’t want to let himself have this?

Mahiru had thought of that as a possible future, it was not that he and Kuro didn’t have that comfort or easiness around each other already, it was that he would have liked that bit more. That warm of happiness going so easily around this house, more than anything it had made him hope that Kuro could finally let himself have what a home in more ways than just because of their contract and that he could be a part of it.

Once the sun was gone so did Mahiru’s patience and he tried one last time just to have Kuro walk to the other side of the room. Tired of his behaviour Mahiru walked to one of the rooms and called his weapon out, then went back where Kuro was.

He would have to thank Licht later. 

Once he was a few meters from Kuro he tried one last time to get his attention, when Kuro didn’t look at him Mahiru throw his twisted broom. 

Kuro’s face would had made him chuckled if he wasn’t as angry himself or if he wasn’t feeling as hurt.

“Mahiru?”

“Don’t you dare to try to “Mahiru” me Kuro, you have been avoiding me and keeping things to yourself, I remember telling you to stop doing that, didn’t I?!”

Kuro looked shocked at Mahiru’s angered voice and looked down and away from him once he realized exactly how much his silence had affected Mahiru.

Kuro proved that he knew better than kept building that wall so he tried to start speaking.

“What a pain,”

“Yes, because I am the one who has been a pain the whole day!”

“Mahiru, is not what you’re thinking,”

“You don’t even know what I am thinking!”

“You’re so dramatic I could die,”

“Says the guy whose dark aura has been bursting in and out since I woke up! What it’s going on? Why are you so mad?!”

“You didn’t ask to explain in simple terms,”

“Stop avoiding the questions!” Mahiru yelled, shaking Kuro for measure.

“I don’t want to be here anymore... I want to hurt him.” Kuro answered.

The words were charged with so much hatred that Mahiru felt as if he had been punched in the face.

“Who?” 

Sighing Kuro broke away and gave Mahiru back his broom. “Tsubaki for getting us here, the other me for doing what he did, the other you for letting him…”

 

“What? Why?” Mahiru whispered, his voice wavering with confusion and hurt.

 

Before Kuro could answer a yelling Lawless went through him and landed on the wall behind Kuro pulling them off. 

 

_ Why can’t this be as simple as it looks for you? _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> I'm having a bit of a hard time but I wanted to update I apologize if this chap feels a bit off.
> 
> Remember to tell me what you think of this work!


	5. I Don't Want to Break Him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuro got extremely worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long on updating.  
> Thank you for reading up to this point.  
> I had trouble getting to write this chapter since I been off and it might show a bit on it (you know, me always projecting and all).
> 
> But hopefully it is still readable. 
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be lighter since it'll be MahiMahi.
> 
> Have a nice day!

Kuro had never been so glad to hear Lawless’s annoying voice as much as he did when it served to interrupt whatever interrogatory Mahiru had in line for him.

He was well aware of how much of a jerk he had been to Mahiru through the day, but to be honest he was far more concerned with the revelation that there was even the smallest of chances that a version of Mahiru could become a monster, worse than that, there was a high chance that it had been _him_ the one turning him. The thought alone made him feel his stomach twist, his skin itch, his head and chest hurt as nausea and guilt rose up for things he had yet to do.

Kuro avoided Mahiru mainly because Mahiru always knew how to sweet talk him away from guilt and murderous intent. While he knew that he probably couldn’t kill his older self even if it was real, Kuro needed time away to try to calm himself down. And he should be thinking about how to get out of there, go back to their time, break out the illusion, _if_ it was one, but all he could think about was Mahiru.

Kuro couldn’t understand why he would do such a thing; while he knew that losing Mahiru would be hard to overcome, probably leaving him worse than he already was, the thought, the mere idea of changing Mahiru into what he was, forcing him to live the way he had to, making him need blood too, he would have to eventually hurt others, even if it was on self defense. It just was not the life Mahiru should have to endure. Mahiru had already gone through a lot of unfairness even before he met Kuro, and while he knew that Mahiru had been strong to stand up again, fight back with his positiveness and wide smile, Kuro wanted to avoid the number of times Mahiru would have to.

There was a reason why he had followed through with what he did to his creator, even when it pained him to do it. The risk of having him creating more monsters like them was too high and Kuro wasn’t going to let him if he could prevent it. It was already more than enough the fact that each Servamp could turn humans on their own. The harm on each of them, the way their lives went, nobody should have to through it.

Kuro’s thoughts were broken by Licht whose eyes seemed to look right at him, _crimson_ eyes.

The stare made him move away uncomfortable. The violent angel had that effect in most of them except for Lawless.

“Can he see you?” Mahiru whispered shocked, staring back and again between them.

The Angel gave a step forward and instinctually Kuro gave one back, it kept on until Kuro’s back hit the wall. Licht frowned at him, more in annoyance than anger until the other Mahiru called for him.

“Uncle Licht!” The children called enthusiastic as well and effectively distracted him when both kids jumped towards him, one of them getting picked mid air by Lawless.

 

Lawless, who had turned Licht.

 

Kuro sighed. He could not say he was surprised that Hyde had given in, he and Kuro didn’t share views, he probably didn’t see what it could do to Licht and, after Ophelia, Licht was the only one that had survived being Lawless’s Eve for a few years, so the level of attachment between them must had been a hard pressure to not do it.

Kuro did wonder how Lawless had convinced Licht, even Lawless wouldn’t dare to go as low as to not warn Licht about what he had planned to do to him.

“We got them a few dresses from Austria, I hope they’ll like them.” Licht announced when Mahiru asked the kids to go change after their greetings were exchanged.

“Thank you!” Mahiru said taking them and following the kids into their room.

“They would be for Tinker, Lily, he is not liking to wear dresses lately.” The other Kuro said calling both of their guesses and their younger selves attention. Kuro's mainly because of his tone, the stance the other Kuro had was the same as always whenever he was unsure of how to approach the subject he wanted to talk about, accompanied by the scratching of his cheek, but his voice was clear, almost defiantly, completely lacking his awkwardness.

It was actually pretty obvious how he was trying not to appear aggressive while at the same time sending a warning.

“Woah! Got ya!” Said Lawless sitting cross-legged in one of the couches. “Is she-sorry! _he_ keeping the name?” Lawless was frowning. Kuro was sure he and Mahiru were doing so too, his breaths quickened.

“We thought he would change it to Misono after the stories Mahiru tells them, or Tetsu, but Tinker reminded him that their uncle Lily is a boy named Snow Lily, so he decided to keep it.” Licht tensed looking towards the kids room, a shadow of sadness crossing his face.

“It is probably for the best, Lust would probably cry if he changed it to Misono.” Licht lowered his head, his shoulders slumped, and clenched his fists.

“Yes, Mahiru probably would have too,” Kuro shook his head. “thank you for keeping them on your mind.”

“No problema big bro.” Lawless gave a dismissive wave of his hand.

“We Angels are always kind, specially with kids.” Licht added. So he still considered himself an angel, even when he was what he claimed to be demons.

“I’ll get Lily a few of the hoodies I bought next time. Some of my awesome outfits too!” Lawless suggested trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere that had invaded the room. “They both were already rocking my amazing glasses! Maybe some scarves…”

“You are not turning that child into you shit rat!” His trademark kick sent Lawless to the other side of the flat.

The other Kuro just shrugged, sighed and fell on the couch.

“So they were two twin girls.” His Mahiru let out a harsh breath, the grip on his broom tightened. “I’m glad they are being good parents and uncles to the kids and letting him figure it out.”

Perhaps he was trying not to dwell on the other implications they had commented on yet.

Kuro was about to ask Mahiru if he was okay when the cheerful voices of the kids returned alongside the other Mahiru announcing that they needed to get going.

Kuro and Mahiru followed them.

Kuro’s anger was soon forgotten as concern grew on him when Mahiru’s silence became present. Mahiru’s chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as he followed his other self. That was never a good sign.

This was one of the reasons he didn’t want to turn Mahiru, and Kuro was ready to make whoever sent them there paid for making Mahiru go through it when it was unnecessary.

Kuro took in a deep breath when he realized where they were going and what it would mean for Mahiru.

_Isn’t this better? He’ll see what he would have to face because of you._

Their other selves stopped to buy flowers and gave them to the kids as Lawless called someone that Kuro could only guess who it was by the sensible tone he spoke with.

Kuro saw Mahiru’s body shake and bite his lower lip trying to keep calm.

Kuro had always avoided cemeteries. Not only for how creepy, cold and miserable they looked in the evening, not because he knew they made people feel extremely sad, hurt and hopeless. Truth was that he never visited his previous Eves tombs, it was not that he didn’t care, or that he didn’t want to pay his respects, it was that he usually forgot them. And that was not entirely his fault. The few times he had have an Eve and said Eve died, Kuro had woken in the middle of disaster, generally without anyone alive on his side to remind him his name or his Eve’s. One of his many regrets was how many times he had fled leaving behind his Eve’s body because he had been afraid to go back and search among multiple human parts.

He would never do that to Mahiru, even if he had to dig through hell, he would make sure to do him right.

Mahiru, who was paler than usual, with tearful eyes.

_Or you could just never let him die._

It was a tentative idea. Kuro had thought of it enough times, but as he had already tried to explain his inner sin, becoming immortal was not the wonderful thing that many thought. Living long only meant to see all you ever loved fade away, suffer over and over again the clock ticking over anyone you meet knowing well that you’ll outlive them, that no matter how many people you get close to, you’ll always be the only one left behind. In Kuro’s and the Servamps case it meant keeping the same age and appearance even when he was centuries old. It meant a never ending list of regrets and secrets, it meant missing everyone you ever loved or those you were going to love.

_You don't want to miss him._

**But I don't want to hurt him.**

**I don't want to break him by making him go through this. We always go through worse than normal people.**

Kuro kept dragged his feet automatically following Mahiru. Even when all his senses told him to stop and to stop Mahiru.

After Lily arrived, it didn’t take long before they stood in front of Misono’s and Tetsu Sendagaya’s graves.

 

Bastard-chan was gone.

 

_He's strong, he'll do it._

 

**No, he deserves better.**

 

 **I need to get out of here,** **_we_ ** **need to get out of here.**

 

Kuro zoned within himself once he heard the first sob leave Mahiru, his mind turned to hell as his hands started shaking and desperation clouded his mind.

He needed to get them out of there.  

This was his fault, Mahiru wasn't supposed to go through this yet, not _now_ , they still have many years to go, he wasn't supposed to see this yet. Kuro knows he can't protect him from this, it was nature but he didn't need to feel this again after his mom's, not **yet**. And he wouldn't have to if Kuro hadn't let them be thrown here.

  


_I don't want him to feel hopeless_ , I don't want him to feel powerless anymore, _I don't want him to feel alone,_ I don't want him to hurt to the point he breaks **and stops trying to care** ** _. I don't want him to feel this._** I don't want him to feel lost ** _._** **I want him to have a family** ** _._**

 

 **** **_I don't want him to become me._**

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you already know I really appreciate comments and suggestions so feel free to leave some.  
> As always, the mistakes on this are all mine since it is unbeta. 
> 
> This is probably the longest and the chapter that has took me the most time on doing, but after many rewritings this was the one I was the most happy with.  
> (Sigh)
> 
> See you next time.


	6. The Things We Overcame.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahiru tries to make Kuro see how things truly are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 and here we are!

_He's going to throw up._

That was the first thought Mahiru had when he saw Kuro's face while he tried to explain Mahiru why he got so upset.

_You were not supposed to go through this, not yet._

He knew what was happening and didn't understand exactly why Kuro was that worked up about him finding out about Misono's and Tetsu’s passing.

It hurt, even knowing that somewhere else the Misono and Tetsu that he knew were alive, it hurt.

Being reminded that you'll eventually lose people that you love hurt.

But it wasn't the first time he felt this way.

Mahiru is sure, painfully so, that Kuro had more experience in this than he does. With his life being longer he surely had to live the pain of grief many times.

It's not that what mattered anyway.

Grief was grief not matter how long or how many one had lost.

The feeling was the same, simple put it was painful no matter what.

_I didn't want you to feel like that again._

That was the line Mahiru didn't quite get. Why people, because Kuro was not the first to speak to him like that, why they spoke as if that pain stopped?

As far as Mahiru was concerned grief was like love.

You can't truly go past it like it is a phase, or an state of being that will eventually stop.

The way Mahiru felt about it, was that one can only adapt to it.

Like love did, grief changed, always evolving.

His mom's steps were not along side his whenever he walked home from school anymore but, he still heard them. He still remembered how her voice sounded asking him how his day had been.

He had been very thankful for the joy he always felt at doing many things, he was an active person, and when his mother passed once he had that chat with his uncle about letting his emotions free, his many activities were of great help when remembering her hurt. Eventually those moments made a smile form on his face. Remembering her was what made him think positive, try to be someone who his mom would have been proud of.

He was well aware that his uncle wouldn’t live forever, and he had lost a couple of aunts.

He knew how it felt like to feel helpless but he also knew it would eventually heal enough to be bearable.

“Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes, my heart pounding and I have to hold in the need to call for my mom. It’s been over ten years since she died.”

That seemed to get Kuro out of his trance. Mahiru felt the ache in his chest that usually rose whenever he thought about how much he missed his mom. Having Kuro, his uncle, and his friends had kept him away from the loneliness that would usually get to him if he was not busy.

“Mahiru...” Sighing Mahiru sat next to him in one of the cemetery’s benches. Kuro probably didn’t even recall when Mahiru had dragged him away from the others.

“Kuro, you can’t protect me from the nature of life,” Mahiru offered a smile, he knew it was not a happy one but he needed Kuro to understand it was okay.

“I just didn’t want you to go through it right now, it was unnecessary.” Kuro’s hands tightened into fists and Mahiru’s smile changed, it was heart-warming to know how much he cared.

“Death can look like that sometimes but it’s simple, it just happens, that’s life for humans.”

“I can’t deal…” Kuro lowered his head.

“Yes, you can! you have done it all these years.”

“What a pain, It was not that much of a choice.” Kuro looked away, both of them knew how Kuro was living _just because_ for a long while, without a goal, dream or a joy to be alive, he just wandered because there was nothing else for him to do.

Mahiru frowned, “I would like that life,” Kuro looked at him mirroring his expression. “I would like to have a home, I’m not sure about the kids yet but it seems nice.” Mahiru said in a low voice, not quite a whisper but definitively lower than usual.

“You would outlive anyone you came across. The kids included.”

“I wouldn’t outlive you.” That seemed to break something in Kuro, his face changed and Mahiru wondered if Kuro had thought about the fact that Mahiru wouldn’t be like him, Mahiru wouldn’t be alone.

“Have you ever felt pointless?” At Kuro’s hum Mahiru kept on, “Those days when everything seems so...dull, nothing makes sense, life doesn’t seem to have anything that good, and you feel like you could be gone and nothing would change?” Mahiru had never talked like that or about that with anyone. If anyone who claimed to know him heard him they would probably call “impostor” on him, but if he wanted to leave some things clear between him and Kuro pushing him wouldn’t work, he always had done that and if what happened just moments before was anything to go by, it didn’t do much difference.

People always saw them as polar opposites, Kuro the lazy, done, negative and sarcastic cat, Mahiru, always nagging, always moving, always trying to find a way out, a solution. But to be honest they were very much alike, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to stay together.

One of the things they shared was that by living together both of their loneliness had faded.

“Sometimes even when I was busy doing a project, cooking or putting together a new costume, it would hit me that I was utterly alone at the apartment and that someone else could be doing that. It’s not like I wanted to die, I just felt a void, an emptiness because I felt that I couldn’t really reach for anyone. That has changed because we met Kuro.” Mahiru laughed. “Now I can just walk in the living room and poke you.” To be honest, he didn’t know how it happened but most of the times whenever he started to feel like that Kuro would say something and change his mood, or appear and distract him, either way, Mahiru always felt comforted whenever he could look up and see Kuro somewhere in the room.

“Thank you for that.” Kuro’s face flushed and Mahiru beamed at him.

“Do you see now the difference that I see?” Mahiru nodded towards where his other self was trying to separate Licht and Lawless from a fight while the kids and Kuro watched entertained while Lily smiled.

 

“They have each other.” Recognition dawned on Kuro’s face.

  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

While Licht and Lily tried to explain the kids why Licht couldn’t go to heaven and check on Misono and Tetsu if he was an Angel, Kuro asking questions instead of actually helping him, Lily hushing him from time to time, Hyde got close to Mahiru and whispered:

 

“How long until they go back?”

 

“Not long.” Mahiru smiled, and glanced in the general direction of the benches were he supposed his past self and Kuro’s were. “Just a few things more.”

 

_Dear past me… there’s still a long time ahead of you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading clap your hands!


	7. Monsters or Heroes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is black and white.
> 
> Servamps are not only monsters. Kuro needs to remember that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Here we are chapter 7! How far!
> 
> I'm glad I got so far.
> 
> Thank you!!

Warm filled the atmosphere inside their home, even if the sun had long since disappeared on the horizon.

Kuro’s heartbeat was quick, his breath hitched, blood rushed through his veins as adrenaline kept pumping inside him. His focus solemnly in each movement Mahiru made before him, every small rush of his fingers, the way he bit his lower lip in concentration. A small drop of sweat broke down his front and a low whimper left his mouth. Kuro wanted nothing more than touch Mahiru's front to ease away the frown on his face.

Mahiru cursed desperate. It might had been only because of how much attention Kuro was paying to Mahiru's expressions that he got to see the red flashing in Mahiru's eyes, a blink and it was gone but it was a clear sign of how much strength it took him to remain calm.

“How could you do that to me?!” Mahiru stood barely keeping his voice low enough to not wake the neighbors.

“Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.”  Hyde gestured between he and Mahiru.

“You cheated!” Mahiru accused indignant.

“Shit rat that was against the rules.” Licht was getting dangerously close to Hyde, Kuro winced when the first hit landed.

“Mario kart the eternal conflict maker.” The other Kuro whispered from his place next to Mahiru. Lily and the kids watched entertained from the blankets on the floor.

Kuro, sitting on the floor next to their counterparts couch patted his Mahiru who groaned annoyed by the fight between Licht and Hyde.

It had been a long day and night. After the cemetery they had dinner and with the kids took turns playing Mario Kart. Mahiru was tiredly fighting his eyelids to remain awake as the others played. Kuro felt exhausted, he had overreacted to his own take on Mahiru's feelings. Fear, worry, sadness and other emotions had clouded him. Even if Kuro still wasn't sure about what to do he felt better knowing Mahiru's take and emotional state towards his lost beloved ones. And then there was what Mahiru thought about becoming one of them.

 

 _You would become a monster_ , _Mahiru_.

 

_You're not a monster Kuro. I don't think a monster would show as much care and kindness as you._

Kuro closed his eyes, and remembered the way Mahiru tried to make him calm down.

_Thinking simply, there's no need for a reason to become a hero. But there's always a reason to become a monster. You wanted to prevent bad things to happen, and perhaps you did._

If he was right, if he was wrong, the doubt behind that had always been in Kuro's mind and it made him hate more what they were. Always pushing him towards the worst thoughts.

He knew he couldn't change what he did and Mahiru's choices would be that forever, his choices. Kuro needed to remember that.

 _We all regret things Kuro and we can't live holding onto them forever. Maybe it would be easier if you try to stop equating Servamps and subclasses to monsters. They..._ **_you_ ** _have done great things as well, you have saved people._

Kuro glanced between his Mahiru and the future one and took a deep breath.

_Please, try._

Kuro had been observing Mahiru's counterpart for the rest of the day. While the idea of Mahiru becoming a monster...a _subclass_ , he corrected himself, made him feel uneasy Mahiru was right, he needed to try seeing the other side to it. Mahiru turning didn't mean he would start killing people or go Tsubaki.

 _It was Mahiru_ , it would still be Mahiru.

Kuro tried hard to not let the dark voice inside him overtake him, he was focusing on Mahiru. And the more he saw the more a particular thing was highlighted.

Mahiru, the future one, was...happy.

It wasn't that his Mahiru wasn't, but there were things, that were different. Mahiru's counterpart was calm, didn't have the high tension that seemed to be always building inside his Mahiru. The anxiety to be doing something in him seemed to be the minimum.

Peaceful, that's how he was.

Kuro had taken a special delight on seeing him play. Hyde was a cheater but Mahiru tried not to do anything he shouldn't do. Mahiru didn't change that much. He still smiled like the sunshine he was, he was kind enough not to do anything to Hyde or the other Kuro even when they teased him, he even pulled Licht away from Hyde once before he could get kicked in the nuts.

Then there was the way they were living as well. The kids seemed to be human as far as Kuro could tell, they were a mix of Mahiru's and Kuro's behaviour. Tidy but not to Mahiru's level, they played games just as much as Kuro but paid attention to others in the caring way Mahiru did whenever they were talked to. They seemed especially fond of Hyde to the point of going on his defence once Licht had been yelling at him for a while.

It warmed Kuro's heart how they looked at Mahiru, the adoration was clear in them and it made his chest ache how their eyes lighted up whenever his counterpart played with them.

It was also comforting to see how much Hyde and him got along, Mahiru and Licht shared a deep sigh from time to time, they had obviously bonded on being done with their Servamps.

It was a good sight.

Time went by and for a moment Kuro almost forgot they weren't part of them.

He barely held himself from reaching out when Lily pointed out where the kids were falling asleep to take them to their beds. Instead he could only watch them wave goodnight at everyone else as his counterpart took them away.

  


“I think Mahiru and kitty-san should date,” Licht interrupted Mahiru and Hyde's ten round as well as Kuro's not so innocent observations of Mahiru a few hours later.

“You would do a nice couple.” Licht added, shrugged and looked down his empty glass as if it had betrayed him.

Kuro frowned, weren't they already together?

“How many cocktails have you had Angel cakes?” Some of them were blinking, some only frowning.

“I'm fine.” Licht’s accent was heavily charged and his pupils were dilated.

“Lily what did you do to my Angel!” Hyde shot an accusing look at Lily who had been making cocktails for everyone.

“I gave him a couple of my special.” Lily answered innocently. Mahiru and Kuro were laughing beside him.

“Es geht mir gut.” Licht glared at Hyde.

“Of course Angel, you didn't even notice in what language you're talking!”

“Shit rat.” Kuro thought that a kick would follow and was extremely surprised when Licht’s arms rounded Hyde's neck.

The other Mahiru and Kuro stopped laughing and Lily smiled knowingly.

Hyde was stock still not daring to move, probably expected Licht to try to suffocate him at any moment. Licht only whispered, barely recognizable words that Kuro guessed meant _home_ and _bed_ in very bad German.

“You're such a light weight Light-chan!” Hyde cried out and both versions of Mahiru and Kuro busted up laughing again.

“Take him home.” Lawless nodded at Lily and flipped off Mahiru and Kuro before leaving.

“It's time for me to leave as well, brothers.” Lily purred one last cup between them. “I'm sure the children won't wake up.” He added two straws and winked at them.

“Thank you.” The other Mahiru said as he walked Lily out of the flat.

“Thank _you_ , going to visit Misono is always easier with all of you to come with. Enjoy your morning.” Before the door closed Kuro saw him whisper something to Mahiru but couldn't make up what it was.

“When do you think we'll get back to our time?” Mahiru rubbed his eyes, he was leaning on Kuro's shoulder and tried hard not to fall asleep again.

 

Kuro was about to answer but...

 

“Not yet.” The other Mahiru said sitting next to Kuro's counterpart.

 

_Can I be in peace?_

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always this is unbeta all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Kudos, comments, whatever are very welcomed, also let me know if you're still reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta for this kind of fic so I apologize for the mistakes in this.
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this.


End file.
